Project Melanie

I woke up this morning grateful and reflective of the many reasons I have to be grateful. The fact that I woke up in my right mind is a blessing which I don't take for granted. Today is my 45th Birthday, I'm grateful to be here writing this blog. Sitting in my recliner, relaxing while listening to the trickling water from my fish tank, watching the fish swim, I am grateful. Watching my cat Oreo run around wildly, jumping up towards the fish tank, I am grateful. I have learned throughout the course of the year to not take anything for granted. I never gave much thought to being able to smell and taste until I lost the ability to do both. The same goes for me not giving thought about being able to walk unassisted. I never gave it much thought until I nearly lost the ability to walk. The sounds from my fish tank and being able to see the fish swim around may seem like small things, but to me they're huge. I take in the sights and sounds and am thankful for being able to ...

Being consistent has  been an issue for me. I will start 10 projects at once, get frustrated and  discouraged then say to hell with them all. I realize that this is an area I must work on to progress to new levels of achievement in my life. My thoughts were different while in school to attain my bachelors degree. I was able to focus and remain consistent  because school was something I knew I had to be serious about, I didn't have any thoughts of throwing in the towel. I wasn't going to waste money either! I did however, downgrade from the degree I initially started pursuing, to one that would let me graduate sooner. This blog is one of the ways I'm holding myself to being consistent. Once I have a following, my followers will hold me accountable and I wont feel so comfortable throwing in the towel. I know there are many who can relate to my issues and I'd like to share my struggles as well as triumphs. I will be addressing my battle with being overweight in the days ...

It's been a few weeks since I quit my job and I'm finally feeling less anxiety about it. I've had more than enough time to evaluate the state of my life and what needs to be done moving forward. I'm learning that it's ok to not be on the go all of the time. I'm learning it's permissible to drop off of the map to heal, regroup and recharge. Feeling guilt over quitting, I realized was more about others people's perceptions about what I should be doing. Living up to other people's expectations is not my goal. Living life healthy and  being at peace is the goal. I've sacrificed my peace and health for too long, but no more. As selfish as it may sound, It's all about Melanie. Don't get me wrong, I'm not walking around with my head in the clouds ignoring people, but I am giving my attention to those things attention worthy and leaving the messiness of other people's lives to them to fix. I'm getting better at delegating and direct...

Do you ever sit and wonder what if? What if I had made better choices throughout my life, where would I be now? I sometimes sit and wonder what on Earth were you thinking Melanie!? Some of the things I've gone through, I look back on and cringe. Some of the things I had going on would have fit right in with the Jerry Springer show. I am however thankful that I can acknowledge growth throughout the years. I'm now able to realize the dysfunction I was once a part of and continue to work towards being a better me. Everyday is a challenge, I am faced with hard decisions because of decisions that were made while in a dysfunctional state of mind. What happens when you have clarity and you've outgrown the people who you've picked up along the way during your journey? What if you realize after years of marriage, your spouse wouldn't have been someone you'd even date had you not been in a dysfunctional state of mind? Sitting and thinking what if is easy to do but the ...

I say often a closed mouth doesn't get fed and in my case if you aren't a advocate for yourself you'll wind up dead! Yes this sounds extreme but  the situation is just that bad. It's by the grace of God that I am still walking today. Some know my story but to those who don't,  here goes. A few months back I started having pain in my right knee. I attributed the pain to me being overweight and my knee just being tired. The pain wasn't bad enough for me to take a pain pill so I ignored it and went on with my life full throttle business as usual. Now 3 weeks ago, after barely making it through my 5 night stretch at work, my knee started giving me excruciating pain that had me in tears. Getting out of bed to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night became nearly impossible and if I made it out of bed I certainly couldn't make it to the bathroom in time. This of course was frustrating as well as embarrassing. I couldn't imagine how or why my knee went fr...

Today I woke up feeling Blah if that's even word. I don't have much to do today other than picking up my carpet cleaner a town over from the Sam's club. I just finished my 18 year olds financial aid application after jumping out of bed. I have some stuff weighing on me and I guess I'm having a moment. I also have my oldest son in town who hasn't come to visit me but that's another story. I think I need to rest after coming back from Sams club. If possible I would escape to a log cabin in the woods with no phone, just nature and peace of mind. Everyone knows I love animals and I'd be at peace watching them all day long. I'll be back tomorrow letting you know how my day went. Hopefully I can get some rest and turn my brain off. Project Melanie

I woke up early this morning and quickly found my mind racing trying to figure out what to do first. Then it hit me, I have been busy doing something all week long to compensate for leaving my job. I guess I feel that I have to stay busy and productive but at the same time I have to have a healthy balance. I have decided to designate today as a day of rest. I'm not doing anything business related. I'm actively practicing shutting my brain off and just relaxing. I've cooked breakfast and ate with my husband. Currently I'm in the living room reclined in my new giant recliner, (an Early Birthday Gift to myself) and watching the fish swim around in my 30 gallon tank. This is peaceful to me and helps me to unwind and relax. I'll be relaxing in my recliner all day and heck I deserve it! Whatever needs to be done will get done another day. Writing this blog is the only thing I'm doing today. I'll let you know how my relaxing day went. Below is a picture of me in ...