What If ?

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Do you ever sit and wonder what if? What if I had made better choices throughout my life, where would I be now? I sometimes sit and wonder what on Earth were you thinking Melanie!? Some of the things I've gone through, I look back on and cringe. Some of the things I had going on would have fit right in with the Jerry Springer show. I am however thankful that I can acknowledge growth throughout the years. I'm now able to realize the dysfunction I was once a part of and continue to work towards being a better me. Everyday is a challenge, I am faced with hard decisions because of decisions that were made while in a dysfunctional state of mind.

What happens when you have clarity and you've outgrown the people who you've picked up along the way during your journey? What if you realize after years of marriage, your spouse wouldn't have been someone you'd even date had you not been in a dysfunctional state of mind? Sitting and thinking what if is easy to do but the "what now" question is what stirs the pot. What now makes my stomach churn and I have anxiety which is something I'd never had before. I don't want to think about what now. Do I continue to live a life built upon decisions made while in an unhealthy state of mind  or do I branch out beyond the churning stomach and anxiety to see what awaits on the other side? This is going to be an ongoing topic because I'm right in the middle of it. This is something I must work on and deal with. As always , I am a work in progress and this is Project Melanie

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