Project Melanie

Have you ever had someone insult your intelligence when you're in fact more intelligent than they are? Well I have and I'm heated! I had been doing great eating properly and haven't had any junk foods for a while. Today I have been craving strawberry shakes but in my town McDonald's shake machine is always defective and down so my choices are limited. Arby's makes great shakes but no strawberry ones, but I settled for Arby's Ultimate chocolate shake. I'm not saying any names but someone went out to get shakes and  Arby's is  less than 3 minutes away from our home. I'm waiting waiting, waiting and already knowing this person stopped somewhere else and will bring me a shake with the consistency of plain milk!! Sure enough, this person arrived with the shake watery, the usual fluffy whipped cream on top was flat and floating on top of the sloppy mess. On top of all of that this person brought an orange dreamsicle  shake which I never get. I'm livid ...

Flabby, dangling arm-wings, that's what I call them. The unsightly loose skin that is evidence of my weight loss makes this whole process bittersweet. I think if I try  hard enough these wings will actually let me take flight! Seriously though, this is one of the issues I am dealing with along this lifestyle change. It's not just my arms, my stomach  has sagging skin as well. Where my pants should fit better, they're actually fitting weirdly to accommodate for the extra sagging skin, which  was once pulled tight. Ahh what a trade off, but at least I know I am heading in the right direction. I'm slowly working my way up to walking to speed this process along and to and burn more calories throughout the day. My routine is pretty redundant and I honestly don't move around much which isn't good. I work, sleep and repeat. My job is literally draining and I find myself getting sick towards the end of my workweek and left to recuperate on my off days. Its an obvious pa...

Imagine being in a peaceful sleep and being awakened by sounds of distress. Screaming, drama the whole nine, this is what my life has been like consistently for the past four years. Never knowing what to expect or when to expect it, but knowing something unpleasant is right around the corner is how I've been operating.  What caused me such distress you're probably thinking and may have guessed, yep child number 5.  I joke around telling people there should be a movement against Parental abuse but seriously there really should be. My husband and I have both missed countless nights of work for fear of what would be going on in our home if we left. We never knew who would be allowed into our home while we were away at work overnight and this was a horrible feeling. Coming home after working all night to find people asleep on the couch who shouldn't be there or kids breaking their necks to escape front and back doors when they see us pull up earlier than expected has been our r...

Lately I've had conversations with first my oldest daughter and then my oldest sister who feel I should go meatless... My daughter went meatless for a while and lost weight and felt healthier too. I am a meat girl, grew up eating an entire steak minus the vegetables. Meat has always been my food of choice. While some people go crazy over sweets, breads, pasta and such, I go crazy over meat. Now I'm in deep thought since two people have suggested I cut it from my life. I am going through a range of emotions like I'm losing a friend. Like seriously, I know I may sound crazy but I'm thinking about my famous jerked air-fried wings and my mustard chicken and the list goes on. Pork and beef I can care less if I didn't eat it anymore but chicken, Lord give me strength. Just the fact that I'm on here sounding like a dope fiend is disturbing me as I type but I'm being real, I love chicken! I think I need therapy to deal with this. While I know the benefits will be gr...

So I've been trying to avoid writing about specific people but to hell with that. There's no other way for me to express the source of my stress without discussing the person causing most of it. This is therapeutic for me as well so I'm going to be real honest and get it all out. For the past four years my daughter has been a thorn in my side. Shes defiant, disrespectful loud and obnoxious and follows no rules set for her. This of course has caused horrible arguments in our household. She wont do chores but messes up frequently and has the nerve to tell us if we want it done do it ourselves. Shes so disrespectful that my husband had to take a break and spent several nights in a hotel to get away from her consistent nonsense. I was close to leaving as well the other day. Here's the latest argument. The other day she walked into my room and grabbed a fan we weren't using. I told her to put it back and buy her own to replace the fan she used to have in her room, ...

As you can see, I have been missing for about a week now. This is due to me hitting a bump in the road. I was really strict with the things I was eating and was thrilled to finally be burning fat as evidenced on my ketostix. However that thrill was short lived. I mentioned before that I am a diabetic and take both insulin and pills to keep things in check. Being a diabetic and the strict high protein meals did not mix well.  After working 5 nights and looking forward to 5 off to relax and regroup, I found myself in the emergency room in excruciating pain. That night I had fallen asleep in my zero gravity recliner and woke up to use the bathroom. Upon standing up from the toilet, I felt the worst pain ever. The pain was so bad in my abdomen that I wasn't able to stand upright. Bent over holding my stomach, I shuffled to my bedroom and got in bed to see if the pain would go away. The pain got worse, in fact I started comparing the pain to labor pains. I shuffled back to the bathroom...